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Comedian Fallon talks Albany antics, college life and Hamburger Helper

By Ethan Ullman
On April 15, 2010

   Albany Student Press: You went to school around here, right?

   Jimmy Fallon: I went to St. Rose so I know SUNY Albany pretty well.
   I crashed a couple parties there, and I think actually, I have one story that's a little weird. This is back in the time, gosh — ‘94, maybe? This is when they had soda machines, and what you could do is you could spit salt water into the dollar part of the soda machine and it would freak out the soda machine and you can get free change, and free Snapples and sodas out of the machine. Did you know about that?

   ASP: I think I've heard something about that …

   JF: If you spit salt water into the dollar thing that you put the dollars into, it's just ridiculous. I mean, me and my friends getting a mouthful of salt water and going: (spitting noise). Spitting in the dollar thing, trying to short out the machine.

   So we broke into the downtown campus at SUNY and we went into some place that was — I want to say there were like ten soda machines.

   ASP: How many did you steal?

   JF: Well, what happened was, it didn't work for some reason. So we were just spitting salt water and nothing worked, and so my friend tried to pull and shake the machine, and it fell on his leg.

   So we were like, "Oh my god! What do we do?" And he was like, "Dude, it's broken, I know it's broken!" We're like, "Oh my gosh!" So we limped him out of there and we're running. It was so "Animal House," it was ridiculous. And then he laid in the street. I'll never forget this. It was snowing out, and he laid in the street in Western Avenue, and he called the cops and said that he got hit by a car.

   That was so his parents wouldn't find out that he broke into SUNY and tried to spit. It's just the dumbest thing ever. But, that guy's a teacher now, I'm not kidding.

   ASP: Was there a rivalry between St. Rose and Albany students?

   JF: I think so, I think everyone wanted there to be a rivalry. I mean, it's a fake rivalry. I mean it was like, "Hey, you don't come in to this bar, this is a SUNY bar." 

   There's like 10 students who go to St. Rose, so it's like, "Does it matter? It's not like there's thousands of St. Rose kids trying to take over, it's just five of us." So they're like, "Okay, I guess you can stay."     

   But yeah, it was always that fake rivalry. The Lamp Post was a SUNY bar, I think. WT's we used to hang out at. We used to go to The Copper Penny, it's closed now.

   What's the great one? There's a great one right on Madison. Good wings. Sadie's? And next door to Sadie's there's something else.

   And then I used to live by Price Chopper on Madison. You know where there was the movie theater, then the Price Chopper? I lived really close to the Price Chopper so I could walk there.   

   And, I remember we barely had any money, you know, to get food and stuff, especially if we wanted to save money for beer. So, we would go to Price Chopper and I remember we bought Hamburger Helper. Which to this day I've never eaten since, but I bought Hamburger Helper and made it.

   We had a roommate that was living in the closet and we charged him rent. He was a chef and he had these hot sauces, and he was like, "Let's put some hot sauce on it!" And I'm like, "Alright." And I put way too much hot sauce on it and we couldn't physically eat the stuff. And we were almost crying because we were starving and we had no money and that was all our money. And we just made this glop of hamburger and noodles. I think it was Dave's Insanity Sauce, that was the name of the hot sauce.

   This interview originally appeared on Ethan Ullman's WCDB radio show "Alternative to Sleeping." The entire interview can be heard at http://soundcloud.com/alternative-to-sleeping and the remainder of the text version of this interview will can be read at blog.timesunion.com/asp


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