Farewell, Jersey Shore

Ladies and gentleman, we’re gathered here today to acknowledge the tragic passing of “Jersey Shore.”
   Often times misunderstood, “Jersey Shore” was like a shooting star in the distant sky. Bright and majestic, it captured our attention but was gone in what felt like a second. But in its passing we should not dwell in our sadness but remember the laughter and keep the lessons it taught us forever.
   Lessons like: no matter who you are — guido, guidette, gorilla or stalker  — be proud of who you are; never pick a fight with a meathead guido named Ronnie, no matter how cuddly he may look; “I’m not trashy…unless I drink too much,” is a completely valid excuse if your nickname is Snooki; the secret of success in life boils down to a simple routine: gym, laundry, tanning. 
   During the frigid winter months, “Jersey Shore” filled us with hope and anticipation for the carefree feeling of summer. Images of spending nights on the boardwalk danced in front of our eyes and made us wish it was June instead of January.
   As far as guilty pleasures go, the show rivaled boy bands at the turn of the millennium. Many of you will scoff and say “Jersey Shore is so stupid!” when asked if you watch it, even though many of you huddle in your rooms armed with laptop or remote watching The Situation’s absurdly hilarious antics. He was the classic protagonist, an archetypal alpha-male whose brutal honesty was only exceeded by his hubris.
   We gather here today to mourn the seven shameless individuals of the Jersey Shore. We take this moment, because often times with the people or things we love, we never truly get to say how much they mean to you.
   Most of all, “Jersey Shore” reminded us that funny comes in all forms. Comedy in its finest form is weird, different, and, most of all, offensive. Let us bow our heads, pray, and pump one first in the memory of what was comedy gold.